Did I make a parenting error with my 7 year old?

My dad was over for supper. I told him that my daughter had this old friend who wouldn't share her and was putting guit trips and leaving messages on our phone full of drama and how she NEEDED my daughter to call her because she has this HUGE problem and doesn't my duaghter want to be her friend. And she misses my daughter SO much and all this. Very manipulative for a little 6 year old. She would ask my daughter so many questions when they talked about where she was going and for how long and on and on. So my daughter called her back after many months and said ';I can't be your friend anymore, I have a mom and a borhter and a dog and I just dont' have time and I dont' have to answer your questions!' I told my dad about this and said how proud I was of my daughter. My dad looked at me like I was crazy and teaching my daughter to be rude. I though I was teaching my daughter to speak her mind and not allow herself to be treated that way. Am I wrong to be proud of that???Did I make a parenting error with my 7 year old?
From your description it sounds as if this little girl (the friend) has some problems and needs some support, but that is not your child's or your obligation. That's an uncomfortable situation for an adult, let alone a little girl! Considering that this friend would most likely not have taken a subtle hint from your daughter, I think the direct route was fine and perhaps even necessary. You did the right thing supporting your daughter, just make sure that she knows that she should always be kind, when she is being direct and otherwise (I'm not saying she wasn't, I'm just saying its a great thing to teach your kids).





I'm a Child and Family Therapist so for whatever its worth, it was a much healthier response for your daughter to tell the little friend she couldn't be there for her. This would not have been a healthy friendship; she could not really have helped her friend with her extreme needs, and it would have drained her (and you) had she tried.


Having said that, if you had any relationship at all with the mother, I would encourage you to talk with her about her daughter in a helpful way. The likelihood however is that the mom is just an acquaintance, which, in that case it would be an insult if you said something.





You and your daughter did the right thing.Did I make a parenting error with my 7 year old?
In my opinion... that was wrong. 6 + 7 year olds often lack the proper social skills to know how to have appropriate conversations and relationships. I think it would've been better to teach your daughter how to get along with this girl, how to tell her friend that she doesn't want to answer certain questions without being mean, and how to tell her friend when she doesn't like something that she's doing. I mean can you imagine saying something like that to one of your friends? You'd most likely not, instead you'd sit down with your friend and say something about how you value the friendship but that you feel uncomfortable with ...
I would be proud of her.She got tired of getting pushed around.Thumb up for her.Some kids can be bullies.In stead of telling your daughter to do it she did it her self.Good for her.
Wow your daughter broke up with one of her friends. I don't remember any of my friends at that age saying things like that. It sounds like a weird situation. If I were a parent of a child who was friends with a needy little girl I would speak to that needy little girls mom. Maybe by meeting the little girls mom you could understand why the little girl acts the way she acts. Forming a bond with the child's mom could also be helpful. I just don't think it's very healthy for a child to respond to a friendship like that. I'm not sure if you had influenced your child to initiate the break up but if you did I believe that it was an error. I can understand taking that initiative in junior high but elementary is much too young. Elementary is when the parent needs to meet and be friends with their child's friends and parents. What's done is done and if you are feeling guilty then I suggest that you need to apologize and have your child apologize she could have really hurt that little girls feelings.
the way you teach your daughter, she is going to be a very lonely person.
That's preety advanced for a 6 yr old but I do not believe in teaching children to ';beat around the bush'; so to say...In our home we try to teach them to just come out and say it, no matter who's feeling's are going to get hurt. Ther'es no point wasting the breath and time on somet hings. Hope this helps
I don't think you are wrong. It doesn't sound like your daughter was rude to the other girl, it sounds like she wants distance from this manipulative, needy little girl. Your daughter is not obligated to be friends with anyone.
of course you're wrong
You are just teaching her how to speak her mind and not be a door mat. I would be very proud that my daughter can't be guilted into anything, at least you know she could never use the peer presure excuse when she gets older, lol.





In all seriousness, you are teaching her how to deal with her own problems which is very important in adulthood. It's good to see some people are still teaching thier children that they do have choices and their opinion does count.
if you dont teach her to be herself and to standup for herself right now be prepared when she gets older because you will not be able to handle her.
Yeah, I wouldn't be proud of that behavior.


I don't think I'd call it a ';parenting error,'; necessarily, but you can explain to your child how to be tactful. Maybe this little girl just lacks social skills and she thinks asking lots of questions is being friendly?





Your daughter could have backed off and concentrated more on other friends if she didn't want this girl bothering her so much. You don't need to teach her to be a little *****.
I think you were totally in the right. That's what's wrong with parents now a days. They don't care what their kids do, where they're goin', or anything. They're not involved in their kid's lives and they need to be. The way you taught your daughter had told her ';suppose to be friend'; off in a kind and decent way, instead of bein' rude and comin' off harsh. For a lot of people, the only way they know is to be rude and harsh about tellin' someone off. I'm sure you'll daughter will be a great daughter if you keep your great parenting and politeness up. :)
I think your daughter was honest and firm -- I wouldn't call it rude. The other little girl likely would not have noticed if your daughter had tried to be subtlely polite about it.





I am shocked that the other little girl was behaving that way and only 6 years old! Likewise, I am impressed with your daughter's gumption and forthrightness. Good for her.
It's not wrong to speak your mind, but you daughter could've been a bit kinder. Also, most people have parents and siblings and pets... Just because she has them doesn't mean she can't have friends. Even if that particular friend was weird doesn't mean that your daughter has to give up her social life, even if she's 7.
No,you are not wrong.You must teach your girl how to distinguish a friend from a nosy rat.Your Dad is off-base and his radar is busted or something.That kind of questioning is strange and intrusive.Friends will always want what is good for friendship.The other little girl sounds as if her mother has put her up to asking those questions.


Even if it is coming solely from the other little girl,it sounds bad.


Your little girl needs to learn early on that she cannot trust every one.Nor can she be sucked dry by anyone,no matter what the other one needs.


I think that your daughter is very bright to see the problem and how it was draining her.


PS:Denny E is the butt-hole here,not you or your daughter.


PSS:It sounds like the other little girl has a real head start on some serious psychiatric problems.There is no need for your daughter to put up with her.