Need good parenting advice - tell the awful truth or lie?

I have done a lot of stupid things when I was young (drink, smoke pot, sex before marriage). I am not proud of this, but it is the truth and I do regret it.


My daughter looks up to me and I wonder what I should tell her when she is a teenager? Do I tell her ';I NEVER did that stuff and you shouldn't either';? (kind of like a role model approach) or should I be honest and say, ';I made a lot of mistakes and I don't want you do do the same'; I don't want to risk her using it against me later saying ';well you did it when you were young so I will too!';





Anyone have a similar situation?Need good parenting advice - tell the awful truth or lie?
I think it is crucial that teens hear that their parents have made mistakes too. Be honest. You don't have to go into details, but this may help them in making the right choices for themselves expecially when she looks up to you. You will not be able to stop your child from making mistakes, but hopefully she will be more apt to make the right desisions when it comes to drugs, drinking, and sex. Be open and honest when she asks about these things.Need good parenting advice - tell the awful truth or lie?
You should tel her the things you did and the ares in life that you made mistakes in so that she can learn from them and try not to do the same. I wish my mother would've did that to me. I honestly think I would be a better person if she did.
Coming from a household that was open about these things really helped me make my choices. My Mom and dad both were teenagers in the 70ies. needless to say they did some stupid things! My mom was honest with me and told me every experience that she had good and really really bad! I made my choices form there. She and my dad stressed that the drugs now and the drugs then are WAY different! That is something that I completely understood. Now don't get me wrong, my parents aren't like that now and they weren't when I was growing up. They are respectable adults that made some poor choices when they were in high school. I myself chose to never do drugs, I don't smoke, I have only had sex with one man my entire life. Hell after a few party's in High school I don't even drink anymore. You should also know that I was pretty mature for my age. I had to take care of my 2 little sisters while my mom went back to school and my dad held down a full time job. She needs to be able to understand how it was different for you and how she doesn't need to make the same mistakes.


the judgment call is really yours but I wish you the best.
From personal experience. My mother told me that she smoked pot and had sex before marriage, and even got an abortion once. (Now, you have to understand....my mom is very religious, a huge leader in my church, and graduating from seminary this spring) I'm glad she told me all this b/c it helped me realize that she's human and everyone makes mistakes! But not matter how many bad things you've done, you can always overcome them and do or be whatever you want. And her telling me, didn't effect me in a bad way at all. If anything, it made me not want to do those things even more. And I NEVER used it against her! She's my role model, my best friend, and I admire her greatly! Hope this helps.
honnesty is the best policy and your daughter as a result will repect u for that, there is nothing wrong in admiting past mistakes, we are all human, and can learn alot from our mistakes
You know we have all done stupid things in our past just be pround of the fact you were grown up enough to know when to stop. Some people have children and still do it. When the time comes you will know what to say, you will know what kind of person your child has grown to be and know what her reaction will be. Trust in yourself you knew it was time to stop you will know what to say.





Good Luck to you!!
well just tell her the truth, but while you are telling her make sure that you scare her and tell her what could happen if she does the same thing that you did, but its sooo much better to be honest you just gotta scare her a little bit like what you can go through when doing those things. yeah ive had it happen to me my older cousin did all those things and he told me never to do it, and as he was telling me what he has been through becase he did those things i was so freaked out. and i never did any of those and never will!!! for as long as i live!!!!
If you tell her you never did anything wrong when you were young, she will think you don't know what you are talking about when you advise her. Some kids learn from our mistakes and some have to learn lessons on their own. If you lay the foundation of trust early, then she will be more willing to listen to you when she has to make a choice. I wish you well and God be with you.
I think sincerity and truth will get you further, having your children looking up to you as another mortal who's had mistakes and has known how to get out of situations will definitely make them come back to you for advice and trust you. Just make sure that you choose the appropriate moment and language to say whatever you want to say, the delivery is often more important than the content.
Never lie to them because then they think well she did so can we.


I never once told my kids something that was not what I had done. Believe it or not my kids have alot of respect for they honesty and not trying to be a hypocrite.good luck
I think if your daughter comes to you and wants advice on sex or drugs, you should tell her the truth, BUT also tell her what the consequences were, and how much you regret it now. If you lie to her and maybe someone else tells her or she finds out later that you did lie to her that would make it worse. I wouldn't sit her down and say, 'this is what I did and you better not do it', I would wait until she comes to you with her problem, then explain to her how it affected you, then and now.


I'm not saying don't talk to her about sex or drugs, I'm saying don't tell her your experience up front.
I think honesty is important. The truth is all teens will experiment. If she knows what you did and that you made mistakes she will feel more comfortable telling you instead of hiding things. You can not prevent your child from experiencing life.
My step-daughters are 8 and 11. The 11 yr old asked me if i had ever used drugs and i told her yes.(not because she has been pressured-just curiosity). I told her it wasn't something i was proud of and it wasn't ';fun'; like people make it out to be. I don't think that telling lies is a good option. If she ever tries to use that against you, explain that just because you did it doesn't mean that it is okay. If you are a good mom and stay involved in her life (extracirricular activites etc.) and always make her feel that she can talk to you about things, maybe you will have better odds of raising a child who is less likely to do those sorts of things!?!
If I was you, I'd be honest
no you dont tell her i did this or that you tell her how its should be .


not the way you were .


its not about you its about her
I'm a mom of a 8.5 %26amp; 10.5 year old i'm 29 weeks pregnant I ONLY PRAY my kids make better choices then me. I statred drinking at 14, smoked crack by 17, had a cocaine addiction for years untill i started heroin. I've been to rehabs methadone clinics been broke down and out and screwed up. My kids have seen me in rehad they know what i've done ';wish they did not. I've been clean 2.5 years now. I am pretty sure they won't have the you did it so i will to outlook they have seen where it leads they have personally have their lives tore apart by my mistakes. They don't know all the details of my addiction if when they ask i would tell them and i'ld tell them i nearly lost my arm from a infection. I'ld even take them to a clinic to see people with NO LIFE so they would know that's not the way to go. I would come between them and dope my any means nessary!. I will not allow drinking around them now, i never want them to think addictions are acceptable. My life was not just a little pot and drinking thou.
tell the truth, she will respect you more maybe not now but when she has kids of her own and is faced with the same question.
Its not really about you - You don't need to tell her how you were one way or the other unless she comes right out and asks you about it. Just let her know where you stand on the issues as it relates to her. If she asks you what you did, then tell the truth, but expect that she will turn it against you - it WILL sound hypocritical from her perspective. If you lie, it will just piss her off when she finds out the truth though, so work with what you've got, even if your truth isn't what you want it to be.
you just tell her its not an option. she's not allowed to do those things. I was never told one way or the other about what my parent did before me, i was just expected to follow their guidance and never do those things.
I too am dreading it but I think I wouldn't tell them and I wouldnt lie I would just let them know its not good for their body and it impairs there judgment let your daughter ask you ';mom have you tried it?'; and if she does THEN answer truthfully and if she tries to throw it in your face explain your parents probably didn't sit down and discuss concerns with you like you are with her that's my approach I plan on taking
do as i say not as i do... so i guess u could tell her some of it but not lie totaly but say that it was a big mistake and tell her not 2 do that bad stuff
You tell her what you did and how stupid it was and how you feel about it today. This way you lead by example. My mom lied about when she lost her virginity- said she lost it when she was 17 after she had gotten married. Come to find out, when I was 14 and came to her to tell her I was pregnant- she also lost hers when she was 14 in a car under the influence of alcahol. If she had told me that I think I would have been more apt to ask her for help getting protection for having sex or that I wouldn't have done it at all because I was able to see that my mom regretted it so bad.
That's a tough one. My advice is be honest. You don't need to give all the details, but at least she'll know you've been there and she may be more willing to come to you for advice later. Good luck to you!
I believe in honesty but not brutal honesty. My parents have never told me about their teen years, Never brought it up or discussed it when I brought it up. Even now when I'm almost 50 they won't tell me and I kind of want to know. However, If they would have told me about things they did I know I would have used it against them. That's just human nature. And I would not have turned out to be the sparkling epitome of manhood I am today. LOL
Not yet. But I have four who will experience this eventually. You need to be honest, after all are you teaching her honesty is the best policy? Nearly everyone has things they did that were not the smartest to do. But be as OPEN about it as possible. It is when you close the door that things happen. Remember all the things you did and apply them to your relationship with her-maybe she won't get away with as much as we did.
Dont tell her she can or cant do anything !


Tell her you was there and did that and it is something you are not proud of and wish you could go back.


But you trust her to do better than you did in life so her future kids will do even better and it will continue down the line. Tell her how she could improve the family by being the first one to do better, and you will treat her like an adult.





But dont forget teens will be teens and experiment.