Fast forward two years. We now have a 13, a near 12, a 7 and a 5 year old. The 13 year old had a great deal of trouble dealing with his mother's death. So much so that we had to put him on medication to help him through it (of course he was also involved in talk therapy too). He is now doing fine except for normal 13 year old boy problems. However, my stepdaughter (the near 12) and I are really developing problems in our relationship. She will not listen to me, back talks me and is just a real smarty pants to put it nicely. She causes problems between my husband and me because he insists that she is just being funny. This is not the case, she knows what she is doing and now it is rubbing off on my 7and 5yr olds. Help!Anyone have advice on parenting stepchildren?
OMG I am having the same problem ! Except worse ! I had a 7th grade boy and he had a 2nd grade girl when we got together. Her mom is totally out of the picture. Anyway,come to find out she has ADD,visual perceptual motor delays etc. I had to get her in Special Ed. classes and work with an OT at school. She did 1st grade 2x. with Dad and G-ma. His family was furious. I have never got along with her and believe me I even tried a psychologist ! She just gets worse every year ! She is mean,sneaky,talks back,never listens,gives me nasty looks,lies and causes major problems in our relationship too ! I feel for you because I really do know what you are going through ! My friends are mostly teachers and they even shake their heads at this one ! Dad is always at work. He is clueless ! I even caught her peeling off the wood on my antique furniture of my deceased grandmother ! We have tried EVERYTHING ! I finally put her in with a psychiatrist ! Last resort but had to ! I should have done this earlier ! I just started and it is a little $$$ but I had to save our marriage ! So,if you have tried everything else I would suggest you do that ! They can really get to the root of her problems. If you don't do something your other kids will copy her. You might even end up in Divorce Court ! That is probably where she wants you so she can think she will have Daddy all to herself ! Good luck !! I bet you are sorry you asked ! lolAnyone have advice on parenting stepchildren?
treat them like your own children.
I learned the hard way that a step parent cannot implement the rules on the child. But as a couple you both have to agree on the rules of the house and stick together no matter what (unless you're being abusive). The biological parent should then implement the rules on the child and let him/her know ';those are the rules of the home';. Some children learn that when the parents are at each others throat, that is when they get what they want from the non disciplinary parent. As the parent that does not keep his/her word and carry through with the discipline, you don't realize that you do more harm than good. Yes at first they will have their tantrums, but stick to your guns. Just know that the worse thing you can do to a child is give then the silent treatment. Let them know you are upset, if you don't want to speak to them, just answer their questions a short replies. Try being their friend, sometimes that helps better then becoming an instant steparent.
Did she go through therapy too? Maybe she is resenting you becasue you are there and not her mom. This would be a difficult thing to deal with. Maybe she thinks she needs her dad all to her self.
I would try asking the husband to try one on one talking to her to see if he can find out what the real problems are.
Also you and him need to be on the same page when it comes to discplining the children and NEVER disagree with each other in front of them . They learn fast how to manpuliate that concept and play you against each other.
Maybe you and the kids could go to therapy together. I know therapy isn't always what will work but sometimes it will help.
Also maybe you could buy her a journal so she could write her feelings down, this is a age where a girl really needs their mom the most. she is also starting to go through puberty and they get sassy at that age .
Good luck and the best of luck
First of all, never, never treat your stepchildren differently than your biological children. (I'm not saying that you do...) At 13 and 12, you have to remember what you went thru at those ages. And its 100x worse now. Maybe you should allow your husband to do most of the ';parenting'; right now and you work on a friendship with the kids. Not saying that you shouldn't be a parent, but back off a bit. I know, mom's are supposed to be the main parent, but hey-things change. My husband used to be the meanie of the two of us. Then my daughter became a teenager and kept pulling the ';You aren't my dad'; junk. It was hurtful and shocking since he's been her ';dad since she was 1. He stopped being big bad dad, and became her friend. Now that she's over that stage, we all get along and don't have any problems. Except the usual. Its not easy being a parent, and being a step parent is even harder. Good Luck.
wow, you have your hands full. stay strong. dont get mad at her. she is probably still angry that her mom was taken away from her, and unfortunately you are the one around the most, who gets to take the 'punishment'.
I think that some talk therapy might be good for her if she hasn't already had it, or even if she has, maybe some more could help her sort through all of her feelings.
Try to be patient, be it doesn't mean that she can get away with it either. She should be punished the same way that the other kids would be punished.
Talk to your husband, because unless you have his support and you are both working together as a team, nothing will work. Good luck!
Need to make your husband support your decisions with discipline. I hope it works out for you...
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