Do you believe in parenting without punishment? Why/why not?

I'm just curious to see how parents in general feel about natural consequences, peaceful parenting, etc. Do you think it makes for successful children and adults, is it suitable for all children, at all ages?


Any input and thoughts welcome, thanks!Do you believe in parenting without punishment? Why/why not?
I have never heard of parenting without punishment. With my children (one teenager, three successful adults in their 30's) I insisted on manners, respect, accountability and I did not EVER hit. I also learned quickly that yelling and screaming is far less effective than a calm voice. They all had chores. If they were not done, they did not move from the house or talk on the phone. If they came in past curfew, they were grounded 1 day for every 15 minutes they were late. I had to be very strict because I was a single parent for much of their young years. They are all responsible, college educated adults and I am very proud of all of them. I love them all dearly and they have brought great joy to my life. Now, I just wish they would bring on the grandchildren!Do you believe in parenting without punishment? Why/why not?
We don't punish our kids. We supervise them, teach them %26amp; guide them.





It works best if you start with a solid trust/attachment bond with them, that you build starting from infancy (or rebuild if you don't meet them until they're older). From there, the natural desire to please you, the trust in you as a guide, the mutual respect that you have in place will make it all pretty easy.





And, that's not to say that we let them do whatever they want or behave however they want. There are times when we have to say 'Do what I say now %26amp; I'll explain it later' (and they trust us to do that). Or, when we have to actually *point out* and enforce the natural consequences (making sure that they make amends with others, for example, making sure that they notice the harm that they've done).





Although we tried '1-2-3' %26amp; punitive timeouts when they were little, we realized that the punishment itself wasn't teaching anything. And, that our children were either *smart enough to learn*, so why not teach them. Or, we realized that they weren't ready to learn how to deal with that particular situation yet, so we shouldn't be expecting them to know how to deal with it on their own. They shouldn't be punished for 'misbehaving' when they hadn't properly internalized the lesson yet. Instead, we rolled back %26amp; supervised, guided, taught, role-modeled until we thought they were ready to try again.





I can tell you, though, that natural consequences, love %26amp; logic-type parenting *did not* work with the niece who moved in with us just before her 12th birthday. But, then, neither did any reward/punishment type parenting, either. By that time in her messed up life, it was all a game to her. She totally *knew* what was right, what was wrong - why it was right or wrong - what was expected of her, but her craving for constant attention %26amp; drama, due to a very authoritarian reward/punishment childhood, combined with neglect in infancy... Well, nothing worked by then :-( Maybe if we had 'rolled back' further for her - done some kind of rebirthing therapy where we bonded with her as a parent does with an infant... I don't know.





But, I can't imagine parenting my kids (and stepkid) any other way. We believe that they can learn anything, that they are smart enough to do it. We believe that they have a natural desire to do what's right %26amp; good, to be in right relationship with the world. And, they know that we're just trying to help them figure it all out.
No because kids crave discipline and they need to know right and wrong and that there will be a consequence to their actions just like in the real world. Its our job as parents to prepare them for that.
No, but I believe in parenting without hitting.





Natural consequences can be a form of punishment. If you don't pick up your toys, you lose the privilege of playing with them for a day.





I use redirection and positive reinforcement for children under 18 months old, after that I use natural consequences, time-out, and the removal of privileges as well. Consistency is the key...say what you mean, mean what you say, do what you say and act how you want your child to.





I NEVER hit. Spanking is hitting. My parents never hit and they have 5 children, 4 masters degrees, including a special ed teacher, 2 social workers (and a stay-at-home mom MSW), and a minister. None of us were ever in trouble with the law or at school.





My in-laws borderline abused their kids with the spanking....suspensions, drinking, and my husband was arrested so that crap about needing to hit or your kids won't learn is CRAP!
No. I think that the punishment and severity of it is up to the parents, but that not having consequences for your actions is absurd.





If someone punched you in the face, are you going to let them just walk away and prented it never happened and let ';natural consequences'; take place. Probably not. And even if you did, you wouldn't if they did it repeatedly. It's unrealistic.
My children are younger, and they're mostly good. Sometimes they have their moments though - like little sister biting bigger one, etc. Time out in the naughty corner is a good deterrent for us. Time out lasts as many minutes as they are old. We don't spank, and don't yell or take things away (they're not at the ipod or pc age anyhow). I don't think it would be fair to not punish bad behavior though. I've seen some older kids who weren't punished or rarely punished and they pick on others and don't know how to act. So end up not having friends and all. Which really doesn't benefit them in the long run. Just my opinions though!
no, because in the real world where they have to follow rules, natural consequences don't work. Natural consequences like having a catastrophic accident due to drunk driving are kinda stiff consequences. children need limits and are happier knowing where the line is.
Definitely!





But I do believe that you need to start very young, though. Otherwise there will be a period where your child will test and test, wondering when you're going to go back to your old ways.





Having peacefully parented my two kids (ages 9%26amp;13), I'd say it's very effective and successful. It's definitely suitable for all children of all ages. But see sentence above. (we started at birth).





Check this link: http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/ Lots of examples and explanations of how it works vs conventional parenting.
I imagine those children with no punishment or have no structure in the home would miss out on the lessons learned from the punishment, which in turn could lead to relationship problems, developmental problems, social problems, I mean the list can go on and on and on!
We believe in letting our kids be kids. Letting their imagination and spirit grownaturally. There are reasonable consequences for ';negative'; behavior, but I think our style is working because there aren't a lot of issues. We choose our battles wisely and encourage empathy and kindness.