Now I have gotten to the point where they no longer listen to me. I feel like they don't care for me. The fater makes me look bad. Our relationship is ruined. I almost feel like running away.
Anyone else gone throught this? Any suggestions? I got to the point where I didn't tell my own children goodnight. I just told them to tell their father to put them to bed, and I loved them.. This is so sad..The father of my two toddlers ruins any chances I have of my plans of parenting?
Where is the communication between yourself and your husband? It doesn't sound like the two of you have ever talked at all. I suggest you print out your post and give it to him. Then tell him to get up off of his butt and find a job. Because it sounds like he is being as much of a child as they are and you have enough to do raising two children of your own...tell him if he doesn't want to grow up he can go back home to HIS mommy.The father of my two toddlers ruins any chances I have of my plans of parenting?
You should have thought of this before you had those two boys.
You and the Dad need to sit down and get things together. If he will not help you with this then you may need to leave the man.
He's a pig. He was a pig BEFORE you made babies with him. Why'd you make them?
What kind of guy thinks it's cool to fight? A pig. They don't ';need'; to learn to fight. REAL men don't.
What kind of guy thinks it's cool to curse? A pig. Civilized humans don't curse all the time.
You don't say he's your husband, so I'm guessing you've made bad choices all your life.... Make a good one... Kick him to the curb.
i say tell him about it if he doesn't do anything about it tell him your living or hes living and most likely he will be living and start beating your kids a** it always works
i am so sorry...but i can't just throw a glib ';answer'; out there...you know what your next step is, and we both know u know! good luck, am kinda in similar situation myself
I know this is really hard, and I feel for you, but all you can do is to keep on showing your children that you love them, even when they do things that feel rejecting to you.
Try to take the boys out without their Dad, to be a fun person for them to be with too. Make your interactions as positive as you can. They are only babies. At their age, they have no idea that anything is wrong or that you may have a point in trying to control them. It is so sad that your husband sabotages that, but I think that if all the children feel from you is anger and criticism, they will turn more towards him. If you are a salve and that place of comfort that they need, then you have to focus on being a loving, secure place.
Your kids need to know that you ';get'; them, that means that you KNOW they don't mean any harm, that you know they don't want to be bad or hurt them.
The fact is, that at their ages, they do love you, but more than that they need you and they are more confused by what they are experiencing than you are. Be there with love and they will be fine and so will your relationship.
Stop worrying about school, education and future right now, just focus on giving them love and nurturing and they will turn in the direction you want to turn them in.
Also, why are you staying with this guy? Why hasn't he gotten another job?
Good luck,
Sarah
I am in a some what similar situation with my husband and daughter. He thinks that it is funny to teach her annoying catch phrases and is always prompting her to say something to me. I have explained several times to him that she isn't old enough to understand when it is appropriate and that she is going to do this in public or at school and get in trouble. The other day we were grocery shopping and an elderly lady walked up to comment on cute she was and how she was so well mannered saying please and thank you to us and just as she said how polite my daughter was, my child looks at her and says, ';Ooty Ooty kiss my Booty!'; I almost died right there on the spot! My husband was also there and he NOW understands that its not ok to teach her these things that he thinks are so ';cute';.
I would suggest talking to your husband and telling him what he is doing that is bothering you - be specific. You also need to talk to your boys. Sit them down whe Dad isn't around and let them know that you think this behavior is inappropriate (again be specific) and if they continue acting in this way that they will be punished and tell them what the punishment will be. That way they know what will happen. Don't feel like you can't intervine. I step in the middle all the time when I feel like my husband has crossed a line. I don't down talk him in front of our daughter, I usually send her to go get something and then I tell him what I didn't like and why. Then when she comes back, I will explain to her in front of him what was wrong and why, and I simply tell her that daddy didn't know. It works great.
We also have a set of family rules that we all sat down together and made. This has been a great aide. My daughter is 3 1/2 and she knows all of them. And she knows what will happen if she breaks a rule. She gets a warning and if she does it again, then she loses a privallege. I usually take away TV because that has the biggest impact on her.
Don't allow him to destroy your relationship with your boys. You need to reconnect with them. And even right now if they aren't acting the way that you want them to doesn't mean that you take away your affection, all that is going to do is push them more toward their dad. If they aren't getting attention from you, then they will seek him out for it. So smother them with love and keep them busy.
Hope this helped and Good luck - don't give up!!!!
I would try talking to there father about this and fast. Let him know the kind of trouble that they will get into in school and also the fact that other parents dont want their children playing with your and face it they wont I do not allow my children to play with kids who are overly aggressive and who use inappropriate language. Enlist the help of anyone you can and continue to discipline your children for this type of behavior. Someday they will grow up and thank you for it. Also dont take out your frustrations on your children continue to show your unconditional love for them, because that is what they will remember. I dont know if you and there father are still together, but I would consider and address change or limiting their time with him. Keep them busy. Also remember this they are always going to love the person that lets them get away with everything when they are young, but as they grow older the will come to respect what you have done for them. If anything I would try counseling for you to help you thought this.
Your husband laughs when his little sons say obscene words? Wow. I wonder who laughed when he said obscene words.
Listen, I know you are upset right now, and that's natural, but you are simply going to have to force yourself to hold your emotions in check right now for the sake of your family, and you're going to have to see your way clear to deal with this siutation rationally. Don't be angry with your four and five-year old boys--they're just little boys. You need to be more involved with them NOW than EVER...you're their mother, for God's sake...get in there and get involved, regardless of what they might think or what they might want.
I'm sure your husband isn't purposely undermining you--he possibly had no up-bringing and has no background to draw from. You're going to have to love your husband, and that means lovingly confronting him, and loving him enough to bring this to a head and deal with it head-on for the benefit of your family. Take the kids to the house of someone you trust, plan a nice dinner, and in a non-combative (but firm) way, explain to him that you've got to talk to him because you cannot stand the state of things a single minute longer.
Tell him of your vision for your family, the things you find unacceptable in the behavior he is condoning, and how you feel undermined. Then be quiet and listen. Quell your defensiveness and let him talk. UNDERSTAND that boys are going to be boys--and some rough and tumble play is a part of that. But being obscene is not. Be willing to reach some compromises---then get together with him a week later to review how things are going. Now, go kiss your babies good night, rub their backs, and tell them you love them.
Things are going to change, one way or another, they're going to get better, and you're going to be able to raise them to be fine young men, because you care. These are just growing pains for your family, and you'll find a way to get through them.
Sounds like you need to stand your ground with your husband. Find the kids a sitter for a couple of hours and you and your husband need to talk about discipline without the boys. Tell him you are offended by the things he is teaching the boys. Let him know though that you want them to be boys, but respectful ones. Don't allow your husband to interfere with your love for your children or putting them to be if this is your normal routine. It sounds a little like the nanny show on tv. Sorry. Talk things out with your husband and let him know how you feel because if you don't have a private conversation with him, he may not understand or listen because he has to be macho for the boys. If you ever run away, take your boys with you!!! Good luck
If there any good genes, they will turn out OK in spite of their upbringing. Maybe they need to see a little of the world in order to be able to make decisions later in life, Just show a good example when they are with you. If they have reason to love you , they will want to be like you. When they go to school , they will be exposed to good kids too. That is if you aren't black or mexican. Sorry, but that is the way it is.
Your kids think you're a mean, bitter ***** because YOU ARE. You're taking out your frustration on them, and withholding love and affection from them.
Look. You've got SONS. You can't raise them like girls, all prim and proper. They SHOULD learn to fight. And they're going to be rambunctious and obnoxious and hyperactive, because that's how boys are.
The obscenities are unnecessary, but they're not your biggest problem. Your problem is that you seem to have forgotten how to deal with the male half of the species. You keep getting into pissing matches with them, but you don't have the equipment to win that fight. You're not going to take control by being the grumpy uberb!tch.
Here's a hint: Men (and boys) will do just about anything to win the approval of a loving woman. They couldn't care less what a woman thinks, if they see her as a *****. And if you want to show them you love them, then let your boys be boys, and help your husband to be a man.
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