Thursday, May 13, 2010

How can foster kids who have grown up learn about parenting?

I was recently asked by a good friend how to raise children. I am not a father, but she is a single mother, 26, and was raised without parents in a foster home. What advice can I give her and what support groups should I direct her to?How can foster kids who have grown up learn about parenting?
You know, good parenting is an aquired skill. I was an abused child but I have 3 children of my own. What I did learn is that I was not going to do to my children what was done to me. Trust me, the first time you look into you baby's eyes, hold him or her, or the first time he or she grabs you finger with that little hand, parenting will be on you like white on rice. Being a mother in most cases just flows into you. It is very hard to explain what this kind of love does to a person. It is an amazing feeling of being needed and unconditional love.How can foster kids who have grown up learn about parenting?
Did she not have a loving foster family? If not this is sad for her and she does not have a family to model. Foster families are not the same as biological families but they should be loving and similar to biological familes as far as supporting children and giving them a foundation to adulthood. I would encourage her to take some parenting classes and possibly getting some therapy to overcome some of her childhood issues.
I don't actually know of any better support groups than those around her. not everyone learns parenting from their parents, otherwise I would of shipped my son off with his first court case at 11 yo. As a parent I have learned that unconditional love is truly what matters. We don't give up on our kids for giving us a headache, We need to let them know we are there no matter what falls, right or wrong. We will fight for them when they are right, yet stand by them when they are wrong and try to help them gain knowledge to better their wrongs. If parenting was easy there would be no support needed. Matter of fact she may ask her child's doctor if any local support groups she can attend some clinics and hospitals offer these groups. And let her know seeking help is the first move to being a better person not just parent. Continue giving her your support you may feel clueless too, we all learn things different ways. If you have a chance offer to attend a group (if any local ones may be around) she probably would feel not so anxious not attending alone. Even though you have no kids sounds like you may be concerned about hers which isn't exactly a bad thing.

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